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true feelings: his needs and his furies. Not just a safe diluted version I suspected he d
thought was all I could handle seeing.
Maybe I should ve felt insulted by that, indignant that he saw me so two
dimensionally. But I couldn t really blame him, not knowing as I did how much he
wanted what we have together, how self-sufficient he d been forced to become when it
came to his emotions.
As the traffic began to increase I worked my way back to his house and let myself
in through the door, which I d left on the latch. I could hear movement from the
kitchen, the clatter of pans and plates, and followed that and the faint smell of
coffee down the hall.
I found him at the stove, his back to me. My breath caught in my throat. Craig was
cooking wearing only my jockstrap, the elastic straps cutting across his narrow ass. It
was clearly a little loose on him we were different sizes after all but it still looked
incredible to my eyes. His long, slim legs and bare feet were parted, toes flexing on the
cool tiles.
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He had headphones on, was half singing, half muttering lyrics under his breath as
he gently bounced in time to whatever song was playing. I watched him, silently and
unobserved, for a minute or two, marveling at the way the taut muscles in his torso
flexed and shifted.
Suddenly, it was as if he d realized some sixth sense momentarily kicking in
that he wasn t alone, and he turned, flashing me a huge smile as he held out the frying
pan of eggs he d been cooking.
Postexercise food! he shouted, voice too loud over the sound of his music. I
couldn t help but grin in response and nod exaggeratedly.
He set down the pan, pushed off the headphones so they were hooked around his
neck. He d tucked his phone into the waistband of my jock, holding it in place, while
the long curve of his soft cock pushed out, down, in the stretched cotton pouch. I had
the urge to take a photo of him, simultaneously adorable and arousing, but my phone
was upstairs in my bag. I tried to fix the image in my mind instead.
Sorry. He laughed, but I shook my head, still grinning uncontrollably. He used
the spatula to slide food onto a plate and pushed it across the counter at me. Coffee?
I nodded. But water first, please.
Craig raised his eyebrow, mock-indignant. You know where the fridge is. I m not
the maid!
I looked him up and down, conspicuously. You d make a good one! I said,
leering a little. Craig rolled his eyes.
The uniform is a little restrictive. I was going to make bacon, but grease
spatters& He looked down his chest, then back up at me, pointedly. I had the sudden
mental picture of him underneath me, my legs straddling his waist, and feeling him
buck and writhe as his cock hardened against my ass.
I ll take what I can get, I told him, pulling a bottle of water out of the fridge as
he poured coffee into a mug. He giggled.
162 | ALEX PENDRAGON
Yeah, I heard&
A row of stools was pushed up against the side of the counter, and I slipped onto
one, picked up a fork, and began digging into the steaming eggs. Craig took a step back,
crossed his arms across his chest, and leaned against the cabinets, watching me, an
amused grin teasing the corner of his mouth at my eager shoveling.
What? I asked him, eventually, between mouthfuls. He shook his head wearily.
Trust me to get lumbered with an animal.
Hey! My feigned outrage would ve been a little more solid had I not almost
knocked over my coffee cup in the process, flicking scrambled eggs across the table
from my half-loaded fork as I tried to rescue it.
No further comment necessary, I think. He laughed. He might have a point.
Craig pulled out another mug, carefully poured in coffee, and then sipped at it
gingerly, both hands wrapped around it. I could feel how the mood in the kitchen
changed, the atmosphere becoming more loaded as I watched him.
So we need to talk, he said, eventually. I nodded, thankful for a mouthful of
food preventing any further comment. About last night& about us.
This is it, I told myself. This is where he cuts me loose dumb straight boy playing
at gay, or bi, or whatever I ve been trying; this is where he tells me I m a liability, or a
failed experiment, or just not worth the headache and the heartache. The fear and the
certainty of rejection wrapped my stomach in ice.
I nodded at him, ready to explain, ready to tell him everything I d thought
through on my run, to try to find the words for it. But all I could do was nod again and
gaze at him with big eyes.
He sighed, rolled his head back as if trying to ease out a knot in his neck. I tried to
resist the temptation to glance down at the smooth, flat expanse of his stomach. I
thought last night was the last time. I mean, I thought& After seeing you, and Louis, I
assumed that it was over. That all of this was insurmountable.
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I opened my mouth to speak, suddenly finding my tongue, but he shook his head,
silencing me. My knee bounced with nervous tension, breakfast forgotten.
And then you told me I wouldn t have to share you. And that moment was
just& I don t know, joy or relief or something. So I woke up this morning and I didn t
want to say anything, just wanted to cannonball into being happy being with you, but
the feelings still bubbled up. Does that make sense?
I gaped a little, like a dumb fish. Took a deep breath.
It makes sense. I nodded. Craig looked at me a beat, rolled his eyes.
Well, thanks, Kyle, for that deep insight!
I spluttered a little, jabbed at the eggs with my fork. Pushed them around the plate
some more. I just sometimes get overwhelmed by all this. It still feels really new to me,
when I stop and think about it. You ve had years of understanding who you are, your
sexuality anyway, and I ve had a few weeks to get used to the idea that I don t just like
girls like I always assumed I did.
He nodded, slowly.
And I m not saying that gave me permission to be an asshole and cheat or
whatever& just that it s still so new to me. I might need your help to figure out who I
am and what I want.
So what do you want, Kyle? he asked me, smiling. I shrugged, gave him a goofy
smile, and looked conspicuously down his body.
Right now? I want my boyfriend, who looks so fucking incredible in that jock. I
made a show of sniffing under my arms. And a shower& definitely a shower!
He laughed, and I laughed too, and the tension of the situation drained away. I let
the fork clatter to my plate and then fixed Craig with a hungry look; he feigned abject
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