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one battle or another. You win, you lose, you compromise, dealing with each as
it comes. But with a man, you're thinking there's no way you can win. That
he'll take, not give. That he'll be stripping you of the Keely you've fought
so hard to make."
Gods, how can she know
? And yet it seemed she did. She had reached in very gently and touched me in
my soul, in the deepest part of my fear.
I drew up my knees and rested my forehead against them. "Aileen, I am so tired
... of losing, of win-
ning, of compromise of having to fight at all."
"I know," she said gently. "I understand, Keely. I
know why you have to love him, and why you think you can't."
I raised my head. "How can you?"
The light was gentle on her face. Sunlight muted by gauze softened the angles
of her face, dulling the vividness of her hair. "You have no reason to believe
there is room for love in an arranged marriage, and
why should you? You've never seen it. Not in Niall and Gisella, not in
Brennan and me. There is
Deirdre, aye, but she is mistress, not wife ... to you, a wife exists only to
bear children, to pass on the proper blood. She is therefore unworthy of the
man's love, being nothing more than a broodmare, as you've so often said."
Mutely, I nodded.
Aileen's voice was quiet. "To you, a wife is taken out of one mold and put
into another, shaped to the hand of the man." Her eyes were tranquil once
again, and full of empathy. "You are a proud, strong woman who's wanting
nothing from that man, because what-
ever he can do for you, you can do for yourself."
I stared blindly at her face. "But no one will let me do it."
"And there is more, Keely. The last of all, I think, but by far the most
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important." She reached out and touched my hand. "For you, lacking love,
lacking de-
sire, lying with a man will be nothing more than rape."
It was not the answer I wanted. It was the only one she gave.
Four
"
^
For two days I waited at Joyenne, growing more and more restive and
distracted, until at last the messen-
ger came. I was summoned back to Homana-Mujhar, though no reason was given.
Brennan thought it odd, but did nothing more than remark upon it;
Aileen regretted aloud the need for me to go. I felt guilty at that, but could
hardly tell her the summons was false, contrived only to learn the truth of
her brother's welfare.
I made my good-byes to Aileen, then Brennan walked me out into the bailey,
squinting against the noon sun. Joyenne, built of ocher-colored stone, was
awash in the sunlight, a warm, welcoming patina of rich of d gold. In Shaine's
time it had belonged to
Fergus, his brother, passing on Fergus' death to Car-
illon, to become the country dwelling of the Prince of Homana. Since then it
had remained so, although
Carillon had had little time to live in it, or Donal, or my father. Now it
passed to Brennan, but he also was kept close in Homana-Mujhar. Joyenne was
of-
ten empty, save for the servants keeping it in trust for absent landlords.
Brennan offered me a horse, but I declined, saying
I preferred the swift freedom of lir-shape. My things he would send later,
though I had brought little enough. I chafed to be gone, but reined in my
impa-
tience so as not to make Brennan suspicious.
"Odd," he said lightly, "but perhaps it has to do with Sean."
I glanced at him sharply, feeling the knot tie itself in my belly.
But Brennan shrugged one shoulder only, as if his curiosity was merely idle.
"Liam may have sent at last, saying it is past time you and his son were wed."
"Perhaps," I agreed evenly. "Or perhaps it is Corin, saying he plans to
visit."
Black brows arched up. "I would expect the mes-
sage to include me as well, if that were true."
Resentment flickered briefly, then died. Lightly, I
said, "Corin is my twin, not yours."
Brennan, understanding, merely rocked on his heels a moment, smiling wryly,
locking thumbs into his belt. "Oh, aye, of course . . . but we shared some-
thing, he and I, in Valgaard, fighting Strahan. We are not the enemies we once
were."
Again the resentment flickered. Corin had always been mine, in a manner of
speaking, linked by birth and temperament. He and Brennan had never been close
because Corin had long wanted the Homanan title and the promise of the Lion;
later, he had even wanted Brennan's bride. Brennan had always claimed
Hart as a boon companion, twin-born even as Corin and I were, which left the
Mujhar's legitimate chil-
dren evenly divided by habit as well as birth.
But Brennan spoke the truth: in Valgaard, bat-
tling Strahan, he and Corin had indeed shared some-
thing. Out of resentment and jealousy a new respect had been born.
I waited a moment, seemingly idle, then shrugged.
"Aye, well, perhaps it is something entirely different
... it may have something to do with Sean, or not.
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