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to the kitchen. I'm pretty sure he was about to tell me he
hoped that I might be interested in him. Fortunately for him,
you showed up and distracted me just before I was about to
punch him in the face."
Scott stood still. Derek searched his face, but couldn't read
any emotion there. Finally, Scott's shoulders sagged as he let
out a deep breath. "I guess I was wrong. That is worse than
what I imagined."
"What?" Derek felt that it was safe to walk closer to Scott
without him continuing to pull away. "What were you
thinking?"
"I was thinking that the two of you were flirting."
"And how is what I just said worse than that?"
"Because, he was doing something to you that you didn't
want and I wasn't there to protect you." Scott sat down on
the bed. "And before you say anything, I know, I'm behaving
like a shit right now. It's just I saw you with him and..."
"And you thought the worst. I get it. I would have through
the same thing." Derek walked over to Scott and sat on the
bed next to him. "We're both new to this. But Scott..." Derek
tentatively placed a hand on Scott's chest. He waited until
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Scott was looking directly at him. It was with a quiet voice
filled with as much soothing as he could manage, that Derek
finished his thought. "...there is only one person that I want
and he's in front of me right now."
A tear escaped from Scott's over-brimming eyes and
slowly trickled down his cheek. Using the inside of his thumb
to wipe the tear away, Derek wrapped first one arm and then
the other around Scott's waist and rested his head on Scott's
chest. "Mmm," he hummed, "You are really warm."
He felt Scott wrap his arms around his shoulders and
squeeze him tightly. "I'm sorry. I saw the two of you together
and I became incredibly jealous. I'm not used to feeling that
way with anyone. Especially not with someone I..." Scott's
abrupt silence caused Derek to look up. The raw, pure
affection he saw in Scott's face took his breath away. He
tilted his head upwards and kissed him gently on the lips.
"Want to get out of here?"
They found their coats, headed out without stopping to say
goodbye to anyone, and walked the few blocks to Derek's car
in silence. Derek turned the heat to full blast and rubbed his
hands together waiting for the car to warm up. Scott hadn't
spoken since they left the house. When he did, his voice was
quiet and he was staring at his hands. "I'm sorry."
Derek turned to Scott. There was nothing for him to be
sorry about. "Don't be. It's kind of flattering in a way,
although I do hate to see you upset and I really hate the idea
that you thought that I could possibly want anyone else."
Scott lifted his gaze from his hands and turned to face
Derek. "It's just that I have never felt this way before and it
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scares and excites me at the same time. I mean, knowing
that I'm gay is one thing, but I've never met anyone who
made me really understand what being gay meant. Do you
know what I mean?" Derek wasn't sure he did so he remained
silent. "It's like I knew that I liked guys and that when I
kissed girls, I wasn't feeling the things that my buddies were
talking about. But with you, when I kiss you, everything in
my body starts to race. I think about you all the time and
when I'm not with you, I want to be. Seeing you tonight with
Bryce scared the shit out of me. Not because you've given me
any reason to be afraid that you would hurt me, but I know
how hurt I would be if you didn't want to be with me
anymore."
Scott's lower lip started to tremble and Derek could see his
eyes begin to glisten again. Now he understood exactly what
Scott was trying to say. As much as it warmed him to hear
Scott verbalize everything that he himself felt but couldn't
say, it troubled him that Scott was so insecure about how
strongly Derek really felt about him. How deep Derek's
feelings actually ran. "Would it help if I could show you that
you aren't alone with those feelings you just described? If you
knew that I feel exactly the same way that you do, would that
make you understand that I would be just as hurt if you didn't
want to be with me?"
Scott shook his head. "You shouldn't have to do that.
Besides, how can you show something like that?"
Derek took Scott's hands and brought them to his lips,
kissing each one. "I know I don't have to prove anything to
you, but I also know that I keep a lot of stuff in. I've told you
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that a million times. I am better at expressing my feelings
and emotions through my music and through wrestling, not
with words. So, do you want me to show you that you aren't
alone with how you feel?"
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