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I exhaled a deep sigh. Fuck.
America
Happy anniversary to you, I sang, handing Abby a card and a small white box with a blue bow.
She looked at her watch and then wiped her eyes. I liked our first anniversary much better.
Probably because I planned it, we were in Saint Thomas, and everything was perfect.
Abby shot me a look.
Or because Travis was actually present, I said, trying to keep the hate from my voice.
Travis had been traveling a lot for work, and although Abby seemed to understand, I certainly
didn t. He was working part-time as a personal trainer after his classes, but at some point, the owner
had asked him to travel for sales or & I wasn t quite sure. It was much better pay, but it was always
at the last minute, and he never said no.
Don t give me that look, Mare. He s on his way right now. He can t help it that his flight was
delayed.
He could have not traveled halfway across the country so close to your anniversary. Stop
defending him. It s infuriating.
For whom?
Me! The one who has to watch you cry over your anniversary card that he wrote before he left
because he knew there was a good possibility he d miss it. He should be here!
Abby sniffed and sighed. He didn t want to miss it, Mare. He is sick over it. Don t make it
worse.
Fine, I said. But I m not leaving you here alone. I m staying until he gets here.
Abby hugged me, and I hooked my chin over her shoulder, glancing around the dim apartment. It
looked so different from when I had first walked through the door our freshman year. Travis had
insisted that Abby make the space her own after Shepley had moved out, shortly after they d gotten
married. Instead of street signs and beer posters, the walls were adorned with paintings, wedding
pictures, and family pictures with Toto. There were lamps and tables and ceramic décor.
I turned back to look at the full plates of cold food on the small dining table. The candle had
burned down to dried drippings of wax that nearly touched the reclaimed wood.
Dinner smells good. I ll be sure to rub it in.
Shepley texted me, and I tapped out a quick reply.
Shep? Abby asked.
Yeah. He thought I d be home by now.
How is that going?
He s a clean freak, Abby. How do you think it s going? I said, disgusted.
You were all mad when your parents said you couldn t move in with him. You both sulked in the
dorms for a year and a half. They finally gave in, and now, you hate it.
I don t hate it. I m afraid he s going to hate me.
It s been almost three years, Mare. If it were possible for Shepley to do anything but worship
you, I doubt it would be over a pair of dirty socks.
I pulled my knees up to my chest, almost wishing it were him in my arms. I often wondered when
being around Shepley or even thinking about him would stop making me feel so much, but the passing
time had only made my feelings stronger.
We graduate next summer, Abby. Can you believe it?
No. Then we really have to be adults.
You ve been an adult since you were a kid.
True.
I keep thinking he s going to ask me to marry him.
Abby arched her brow.
If he says my name a certain way or we go to a fancy restaurant, I think it s going to be it, but he
never does.
He did ask you, Mare, remember? You said no. Twice.
I winced, remembering that morning on the beach and a few months later with the candlelight
glinting in his eyes, the homemade pasta, and the supreme disappointment on his face. But that was
last year.
You think you missed your chance, don t you? You think he ll never get up the nerve to ask you
again. I didn t answer, but she continued, Why don t you ask him?
Because I know it s important to him that he ask me.
Proposing to Shepley had crossed my mind, but I remembered what he d said about the news that
Abby had popped the question to Travis. It had bothered him almost as much as the realization that his
feelings on the subject were so traditional. Shepley felt it was his place as the man to ask. I hadn t
realized that if I wasn t ready when he proposed, he would stop asking.
Do you want him to? Ask you again?
Of course I do. We don t have to get married right away, right?
Right. So, what s your hurry to get engaged? she asked.
I don t know. He seems bored.
Bored? With you? Didn t he just text to check on you?
Yes, but
Are you bored?
Bored isn t the right word. He s uncomfortable. We re stagnate, and I can tell it bothers him.
Maybe he s waiting on a signal from you that you re ready?
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