[ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]
Only on chili fries, I said. I like ketchup on regular ones.
Me, too! She took her spoon and put a dollop of mustard on the plate
of fries. That s weird, huh? I ve never met anyone who likes mustard and
onion on her burger.
Only on a cheeseburger, I said. I like mayonnaise, onion, and
tomato on a hamburger.
She made a face. That s just weird.
What do you like on a hamburger?
Don t like em, she said, taking her first bite. Only like
cheeseburgers. And only cheddar cheese. If you re gonna use that cheese-
food crap, I d rather go hungry.
Narrow-minded, I sniffed. I took a big drink of the malt and rolled
my eyes. Fantastic.
Gesturing at me with a fry, Gina said, You still haven t told me about
your summer project. Spit it out.
Oh. Right. I took a bite of my half of the burger, chewing quickly so
I could reply. I ve got a contract with the University of Chicago Press to
write a book. That s how I could afford a share in such a nice house. My
advance paid for my share; now I have to write the damned book.
You re fucking kidding me!
She said this a little too loudly, but she was smiling so brightly that the
other diners didn t seem to mind. No, I m serious.
You re writing a book? A real book?
Yeah. This is my second.
You re shitting me!
No, really, I said, enormously pleased that she was so excited about
my writing. I don t really like teaching all that much. I got into academia
so that I could write.
Really? She looked completely puzzled. Why not just write?
It s not as easy as that. Especially when you want to write about
history. University presses are the best places to have a serious history
book published. They don t make much money, but they ll take on an
82
Cherry Grove
important book even if they don t think it ll make them a big profit. The
commercial houses won t do that.
I don t know shit about publishing, she said, but I m so excited
about this I could scream.
I smiled back at her. Her expression was so infectious that I
remembered how I d felt the day I learned my dissertation was going to
be published. This book is gonna be a little different for me, I said. It s
for the U of C s Worlds of Desire Series on Sexuality, Gender, and
Culture.
I like all of those things, she said, still beaming.
I read a book a woman wrote on Sappho s popularity in early modern
England. I contacted her editor and made a pitch.
Cool. What s your book about?
It doesn t have a title yet, and I m still working some things out, but
it s basically going to be about whether men in classical Rome self-
identified as gay or straight.
Huh?
You know about how men would routinely have sex with young boys,
right?
Sure. Happened all the time.
Well, the common belief is that they didn t have any concept of being
gay. That this was just a right of passage for boys and a way for men to
help train boys to be good little warriors. Men loved women, and they
loved having sex with women, but they also routinely had these avuncular
relationships with boys.
Avuncular?
Like an uncle.
Right. Right. She nodded. The Greeks and the Romans both did
that.
Exactly, I said. Well, I think that some men had to have had a
different view of the whole thing. That they loved boys and just had sex
with women to fit in. The women were their beards.
Oh! Like Hadrian and Antinous.
She looked at me with those big brown eyes, like a child waiting for a
compliment. I didn t have to fake my enthusiasm. That s exactly who
83
Susan X Meagher
I m going to focus on. Now I was excited enough to squeal. It was
unthinkable for me to tell a non-academic my idea and have him or her
know what the hell I was talking about.
Fuckin -a, she said, smiling contentedly. That s fantastic.
It s fantastic to be able to talk about this with you, I said. I was
bouncing around in my seat as if I had ants in my pants. I never get to
talk to anyone who really cares about this stuff.
She looked puzzled. Not your friends at school?
No, not really, I admitted. Everyone has his or her own thing. No
one ever seems to be truly interested in what you re doing, and no one is
ever, ever excited about it.
That sucks, she said. What kind of friends do you have?
Not very good ones, I m afraid. Everyone wants his or her little piece
of the fiefdom. They might want you to do well, but not as well as they
do. It s really bad with the other assistant profs.
Why? Aren t they like you? I d think you d band together.
No, no, that s not how it works. There are only so many tenured
professor jobs in the country, and competition for them is really fierce. I
tend to hang out with as many full professors as possible cause at least
they re settled in a job for as long as they want it. The other assistants
would cut your throat and step over your body to get a job.
And you like this? she asked, her eyes narrowed.
No, I hate this. I just want to write, but it s hard to get your work
noticed if you re not a professor at a good actually, great university. I
hope that I get tenure and can produce enough that I don t have to teach
more than a grad seminar or two. Schools love to have their professors
write well-received books.
She looked down, and I could almost see the shame rising up in her. I
[ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]
